Everybody's Free to Fight Victim
by Lady of the Wolves
Summary: A spoof on the "Wear Sunscreen" dialogue to The Candidate for Goddess! Please R/R.


Everybody's Free to Fight Victim

By Lady of the Wolves

Dedicated to Garu (who else?)!  


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(If you haven't read "Everybody's Free to Wear Sunscreen," check that out first at http://supak.com/sunscreen.htm)

  
Fight Victim.  
  
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, fighting Victim would be it.  
  
The long term benefits of fighting Victim have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.  
  
I will dispense this advice now.  
  
Enjoy the power and beauty of your EX. Never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your EX until it's gone. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at records of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp how cute you really were.  
  
You are NOT as mindless as you imagine.  
  
Don't worry about the future of Zion; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to cure a zero-gravity phobia by throwing up in a spacesuit. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4 a.m. on the day before a big test.  
  
Do one thing every day that scares Clay.  
  
Sing to your Pro-Ing.  
  
Don't be reckless with other people's Pro-Ings. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.  
  
Eat.  
  
Don't waste your time on competition with the other candidates; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.  
  
Remember honors you receive, forget the punishments; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.  
  
Keep your old boots. Throw away your old uniforms.  
  
Stare at Zion.  
  
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your EX. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 12 what they wanted to do with their EX. Some of the most interesting 17 year olds I know still don't.  
  
Get plenty of exercise.  
  
Be kind to your ears, you'll miss them when they're gone.  
  
Maybe you'll be a pilot, maybe you won't, maybe you'll get expelled from GOA, maybe you won't, maybe you'll beat Hiead, maybe you'll get chewed up by Victim during battle. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself, either. Your choices are half-chance; so are everybody else's.  
  
Enjoy your Ingrid, use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.  
  
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but in your class during agility testing.  
  
Listen to the instructions, even if you don't follow them.  
  
Do NOT read informational manuals, they will only make you feel stupid.  
  
Get to know your mother, you never know when you'll leave her forever to become a pilot.  
  
Be nice to your repairers; they are your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.  
  
Understand that pilots come and go, but for the precious few you can hold on to.  
  
Work hard to bridge the gaps in culture between colonies because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were a candidate.  
  
Live in GOA once, but leave before it makes you hard; live on Zion once, but leave before it makes you soft.  
  
Quarrel with your repairer.  
  
Accept certain inalienable truths: colonies will be abandoned, repairers will cheat, you too will get old, and when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young, colonies weren't abandoned, repairers were noble, and candidates listened to their instructors.   
  
Listen to your instructors.  
  
Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a repairer, maybe you'll have a Goddess spirit; but you never know when either one might run out.  
  
Don't mess too much with your lungs, or by the time you're 40, they will feel 85.  
  
Be careful whose Ingrid you inherit, but be patient with those who supply it. Inheriting a Goddess is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from a black hole, wiping it off, painting over the damaged parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.  
  
But trust me on the Victim.  


Disclaimer: I do not own Megami Kouhosei. Also, this is a spoof of Mary Schmich's column "Everybody's Free to Wear Sunscreen," which she owns. Check the original out at: http://supak.com/sunscreen.


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